I made it through the day and dropped off my resumes as those places nearby.
I was pretty emotionally exhausted and apathetic the whole day though. I had to stop before going in to each place and force on a fake positive attitude.
When it’s something so important to me I think it’s wise to take note of said asshole-ishness, but not let it detract from my day. Other people do not have power over your emotions. You create them.
While that is partially true, it’s kinda dismissive to say that other people don’t have power over my emotions. I’d say a partner of four years definitely has some part in my emotions, and for them to suddenly say something mean to you over something so small is definitely going to hurt my feelings more than if some stranger on the street had yelled something nasty at me.
I’m not letting some stranger get to me though, I’m good at blocking out what street assholes have to say to me, I’m a woman after all. This is about the insensitivity of a partner.
Plus, being clinically depressed kinda fucks with your emotions. Having a chemical imbalance in your brain tends to take away your power over/ability to create your emotions. I’m not using it as an excuse, but it’s hard to fight. On a bad day I would have canceled all my plans for the day. But I didn’t today. I was able to be self aware enough to realize where I was heading and forced myself to go through with my plans for today.
Sometimes people can’t control or create their emotions, and it’s very possible, despite perhaps being the type of person who doesn’t let shit get to them, to have people sometimes have power over your emotions. Like in an abusive or manipulative relationship.
I love that you’re trying to help by saying that and that you’re trying to empower me (and that you cared enough to say something), and if it works for you that’s bad ass, but sometimes tossing out some cool words like that aren’t going to be as profound to that person as they may have been for you. It can just feel kind of dismissive sometimes.
IT’S SO PRETTY??
It comes in other colors too!!!
Isn’t it awesome how one mean word or action from someone can fuck up your positive/motivated attitude that comes to you so rarely for the entire day? Like up until that point you were happy and excited and ready to do the day, but as soon as they’re an asshole that one time you find yourself suddenly slipping down and you’re talking yourself down in your head and convincing yourself that ‘yeah, those things I wanted to do are probably stupid. Forget saving up for that tattoo, how stupid and selfish, you’d probably hate it or not be able to get in that day anyway’. And suddenly you find yourself crying while brushing your teeth and suddenly the day scares you and you just want to crawl into your hole and continue your daily routine of sitting on the computer and hitting refresh on your favorite sites. All because someone had to choose the path of asshole for one second because they couldn’t recognize that this was a rare day for you and they should be encouraging and helpful, despite the fact that they’re closest to you and should know better. Which makes it hurt all the more.
I really hate good reads. I just finished reading a book and wrote a long review for it and it didn’t post it. This is the second or third time that’s happened. I’m getting fed up with it.
Ugh. Of course I can’t sleep. My mind is too active and I’m almost never comfortable on this old mattress anymore.